As some of you may know, I am officially single this year for Valentine’s Day. I’ve been so busy sorting out my life after a (mostly) rubbish 2015 that I hadn’t really stopped to notice the date; but now it’s looming and I can’t really avoid it. Despite being single now and having had some bad experiences, I don’t hate the notion of love at all. I’m not bitter! In fact, I embrace it, and I think that Valentine’s Day is a great time to enjoy when you have a partner.
I’m not really ready to talk about my relationship status in like excruciating detail or anything just yet, but I did want to talk about the fact that this year on Valentine’s Day, you should focus on loving yourself. Seriously. Last year I became someone I didn’t even recognise, and since taking a bit of time for myself (taking a Facebook break, starting to work out, planning some trips, and even putting down the foundations for a new life), I have a lot more respect for myself. It’s happening slowly but surely, but I’ll get there! They say to love yourself before anyone else will, and I suppose in a lot of cases that’s very true.
I’m sure I’m going to miss having a boyfriend this year, especially because I celebrated in New York City last year with Michelin star dining and a beautiful horse-drawn carriage ride through Central Park. I’d be crazy not to miss that, of course I would. This time last year I genuinely had it all, and my relationship seriously enriched that status for me.
But one thing I don’t recommend is getting to a ‘desperate’ stage.
By all means; have fun. I know I sure want to! However, you shouldn’t rush into a relationship just because you think you’re a relationship person, or because you don’t like being alone, or because you kiiiind of like someone. Take your time! Rushing into a thing with a person who isn’t right for you just seems pointless to me, and I’d rather have fun dating until I next find someone that it would make sense for me to be serious with and commit to. If anything, having something amazing in the past has just given me goals to aspire to, and nothing else would feel right. It’s not fair to anyone if your head isn’t properly in the game as well.
In the meantime, casual dating doesn’t have to be forever, it’s just about getting to know people and even making new friends. On the other side of things though, I realize I’ve let things go in the past that would have been perfect for me, so you have to be real with yourself as well and trust your instincts. If something’s right, it’s right! Ignore time conventions.
I just turned 26. I used to think I’d be married by now. Sometimes things don’t work out the way you want, and that’s okay. I have people asking me rude, personal and intrusive questions. I know myself better than anyone else though, and I know that if I started to listen, I’d end up with the wrong person, and not living my life to the fullest extent I want to. Sure, I may find the perfect person next month. But it’s unlikely. So I’ll wait.
We’re a country of loved-up people though, what can I say? eHarmony know what’s up, promoting the idea of love and all that lovely stuff to Londoners with clean graffiti across the city. They’re quite literally spreading the message of love, in a way that’ll wash off after. Let’s just hope your relationships don’t fade as quickly!
They’ve also made a website tracking who’s talking about love online. (Come on, the only thing we like more than love itself is social media, so it makes sense)! You can check out a live visualisation of our loved up nation here.
For the sake of your own long-term happiness, don’t settle for less than you deserve! I’ve seen friends and even myself make this mistake, and it can be so frustrating. Some relationships cross over from being just not ‘right’ to being genuinely dangerous and toxic, too, and if that’s the case there’s help available. It’s not your fault!
As for me? I’ll add to that by talking about how much I love travelling. Or how much I love food. Perhaps I’ll even talk about loving my friends and family. But for now, I won’t be tweeting about being in love.
My post title is lyrics, so perhaps it’s the fact that I’m still a teenager at heart that’s stopping me from getting anywhere! But they’re lyrics I stand by; from one of the most poetic bands around – La Dispute. In all seriousness, I know why I don’t have a life with the right person, and there are regrets there. But you can’t live in the past – I’ve tried.
I do think life is better when you have love around you. Yet I’m not going to skip the chapters to my story by accepting love for the sake of love. I have plenty of love in other ways right now as it is.
I’ve known the real deal before. Yes, I’m sad I let it go. I just hope someday I find it again.
Happy Valentine’s Day!